Baby Alicia Is Dying

  I would like to thank the staff and volunteers of Childkind, Atlanta, Georgia; Kim Hankins for her expertise; and Sandy Wilson Sommers, a friend.

  “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

  “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ ”

  MATTHEW 25:37-40

  Published by

  Dell Laurel-Leaf

  an imprint of

  Random House Children’s Books

  a division of Random House, Inc.

  New York

  Text copyright © 1993 by Lurlene McDaniel

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address Dell Laurel-Leaf.

  Dell and Laurel are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  Visit us on the Web! www.randomhouse.com/teens

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  eISBN: 978-0-307-77628-0

  RL: 5, ages 10 and up

  Bantam Starfire edition June 1993

  First Laurel-Leaf edition October 2003

  v3.1

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Acknowledgments

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter One

  “You’re lucky, Val. I wish I was old enough to live away at college,” Desila Mitchell said with a sigh as she watched her older sister packing.

  “Cheer up, Desi. This will be you in four more years. Then again, you’re so smart, it may take only three.”

  Desi grimaced. She knew she had brains, but she felt ordinary and lacked her sister’s self-confidence. “Besides,” Val added, “I thought you were excited about being a freshman at Grady. Ninth grade will be fun.”

  Desi hooked her arm around the post of her sister’s antique bed and shrugged. “It’s just that Grady’s so different and so big. I’ll bet half of Atlanta goes there.”

  “Just the ‘cool’ half,” Val joked as she heaped sweaters into a steamer trunk. “Believe me, good old Grady isn’t so bad once you learn your way around.”

  Desi knew it was easy for Val to shrug off her misgivings. Val had been especially popular during her four years at Grady High. “When will you come home again?” Desi asked.

  “I have four days over Thanksgiving. Two weeks at Christmas.”

  “But that’s months from now.”

  “Just three. The University of Florida is only a day’s drive, you know. It’s not like I’ll be on another planet. You can write, and I might even answer,” Val said with a wink as she rummaged through her bureau drawer. “Have you seen my navy blue cardigan?”

  “If you hadn’t landed that tennis scholarship, you would be starting at the community college and living at home.”

  “If I weren’t on tennis scholarship, I doubt I’d be going to college at all, even though Mom and Dad wanted me to. You know I’m no scholar.” Val slammed one drawer and tore through another as she talked. “Mom!” she yelled. “Mom, can you come help me?” Val walked around Desi, saying, “You should find something fun to do. You know, Grady has lots of after-school stuff—”

  “Forget it. I’m no good at sports, and I’ve never been a club person. The most I’ll do is my annual science fair project.” Desi had been entering science fairs ever since her first collection of insects had earned her a blue ribbon in third grade. She’d never been afraid of bugs or spiders; in fact she’d always felt more comfortable with four-legged creatures than with two-legged dolls. “Do you know what Corrine told me they’re doing for biology elective at Grady this year?”

  “What?”

  “They’re making one big class by putting the smartest of us ninth graders in with the sophomores who flunked biology last year and have to repeat the course.”

  “So what?”

  “I love biology. I don’t want to be in with a bunch of rejects.”

  “Sounds to me like you might get to help out some poor soul who couldn’t cut it,” Val replied sympathetically.

  “I get to look forward to a symbiotic relationship with sophomore fungi!”

  Val rolled her eyes, picked up her tennis racquet, plucked at the webbing as if it were a guitar, and sang, “Maybe you’ll find ‘love.’ ”

  Desi burst out laughing. She was really going to miss her older sister.

  “Did you want something, honey?” their mother asked as she came into the room, breathless from climbing the stairs.

  “I can’t find my navy blue cardigan anywhere.”

  “It’s at the cleaner’s.”

  “But we’re leaving for Florida in two days!”

  “I plan to pick it up tomorrow.” Their mother turned to Desi. “Please don’t hang on the bedpost. You’ll work it loose.”

  Desi dropped her hands quickly. “Sorry.”

  “Shouldn’t you be getting your clothes together for the start of school too?”

  “I’ve got until Monday before classes begin. No rush.”

  “Yes, but your father and I plan to stay in Gainesville during the week of freshman orientation, and you’ll be staying with Aunt Clare.” Mom touched the black cascade of Valerie’s hair, and Desi felt a twinge of envy. Their mother never seemed to touch her with the affection she showed Val. “Don’t you want to stay with her?”

  “Sure I do! It’s just that it’s my first week of high school.”

  “Well, it’s Val’s first week of college.”

  And Valerie’s more important than I am, Desi thought. Hadn’t it always been that way? Val first, Desi second. Pride over Val’s tennis accomplishments and nothing for Desi’s science achievements. Val’s beauty over Desi’s plainness.

  “I can make it through orientation alone,” Val offered good-naturedly. “I am a big girl now.”

  “We’ve had these plans for months,” Mom said. “Your father’s got another dentist covering his patients, and I don’t start working full-time until after Labor Day. No need to juggle the schedule. Aunt Clare can handle Desi’s needs for a week.”

  “I give up!” Val announced in exasperation. “Deciding what to take and what to leave is impossible.”

  “Let me help,” Mom said. “It’s simply a matter of organizing things.”

  Desi started to offer her help too, but her mother and Valerie weren’t paying any attention to her. They don’t need you, she told herself. After a few moments she slipped quietly from the room, realizing that they didn’t even notice she’d gone.

  “I’ve rented some movies for the weekend. Pick out one to watch while I go change. I’m so tired! Would you toss a bag of popcorn into the micro
wave?” Aunt Clare asked as she thrust open the door of her spacious town house. Desi lugged her suitcase inside.

  “Let me stick my bag in my room first.” Desi headed to the room that was as familiar as her own bedroom. She shoved her suitcase into the closet, kicked off her sneakers, then went to the kitchen and found the popcorn.

  Aunt Clare breezed into the kitchen minutes later. “I guess Valerie and your folks got off all right.”

  “The minivan was jam-packed. Mom was making Dad and Val crazy, but they hit the road about ten this morning.”

  Aunt Clare offered an understanding smile. “I know how Eva can be. She used to drive me crazy when we were growing up because she was such a perfectionist. But when you begin life as the prettiest girl in Athens, Georgia, become homecoming queen and tennis star extraordinaire, then marry the cutest guy in the class—well, I guess it’s hard to contend with us common people.”

  Desi felt that Aunt Clare was the only person in the world who understood her mother the way she did. “I’m not hitting on your mom, you understand,” her aunt added hastily. “But life has been generous with her. She grew up being treated like a princess and has had only one tragedy in all of her years on earth.”

  “You mean when the baby died?” Desi felt more curious than remorseful about the incident. After all, it had happened before she was even born. Val had been two when the baby, a boy, had died at three months.

  “I honestly didn’t think Eva was going to make it. There’s nothing sadder than sudden infant death syndrome.” Aunt Clare put bowls, napkins, and glasses onto bamboo lap trays while she spoke. “Fortunately, in all my years of nursing, I’ve only had to deal with two other cases. Parents put a perfectly normal baby down to sleep and hours later come back to find their baby is dead. SIDS is a terrible thing.”

  Desi tried to imagine what it must have been like for her family. No one ever talked about the loss. It was as if the baby had never existed. “All I’ve ever heard is that Mom had a tough time. I wish I knew more about it,” Desi confided.

  Aunt Clare stared off into space, her mouth set in a grim line. “There’s not much to know. Your mother finally came out of it. After she had you, she took that interior decorating course, and her life seemed to get back on track. And then of course, with Val being so gifted in tennis—much as Eva had been—well, that gave her life new direction as well.”

  Desi wanted to tell her aunt that to her way of thinking, “having her” had been a mistake. Her mother would have been far better off devoting herself to her part-time decorating job and managing Val’s tennis circuit. “Once Mom starts her job full-time,” Desi observed, “she’ll probably be even busier than she is now.”

  “I know. I almost wish she wouldn’t.”

  “Why?” Desi set the timer on the microwave. “You work full-time.”

  “She still has you at home. She needs to give you the same amount of attention she’s given Valerie. That’s my opinion,” she said, flashing Desi a smile.

  Even though Desi had often wished the same thing, she didn’t want her aunt criticizing her mother. “It’s no big deal, Aunt Clare. Val says I’ll be so busy with high school, I won’t even notice Mom and Dad are around.”

  The timer went off, Aunt Clare removed and opened the bag, and the rich, buttery aroma of popped corn filled the kitchen. “I work because I don’t have a family and because I love nursing,” her aunt declared.

  Aunt Clare had never married. Her fiancé, a medical resident, had been killed in a car accident, and she never allowed herself to fall in love again.

  “I can’t wait until I have a career,” Desi said. “I’ll make money to spend on the things I want. After college, of course.”

  Aunt Clare filled bowls with popcorn and handed a tray to Desi. “I’m not exactly on the Fortune 500 list, dear. Come on. Let’s go sit on the sofa and watch some movies.”

  “Well, you’re not poor either,” Desi replied as she dropped to the couch.

  “There are trade-offs.”

  “Like what?”

  Her aunt set her tray onto the glass-topped coffee table and snuggled into the corner of the sofa, facing Desi. “You’re the only ‘daughter’ I’ll ever have.”

  Desi smiled, pleased. It was no secret that she was her aunt’s favorite niece. That often helped her feel better about not being her mother’s favorite daughter. “You might still get married and have kids.”

  “No way. I’m married to the hospital,” Aunt Clare said with a laugh. “That’s quite enough for me.”

  “Mom told me you’ve changed positions at the hospital.”

  “I sure have.”

  “Are you going to tell me about it?”

  Aunt Clare tipped her head thoughtfully. “Actually, I’d rather show you.”

  “You make it sound mysterious.”

  “Not at all. My job has expanded, that’s all. I’m doing my usual administrative duties with the pediatric nursing staff, and I’ve just been appointed community liaison between County Hospital and Atlanta’s ChildCare house.”

  “I’ve never heard of ChildCare.”

  Aunt Clare smiled as she said, “I have a great idea. Since you’ll be staying here this week, why don’t you come with me next Saturday and see ChildCare for yourself? I think you’ll be very interested.”

  Chapter Two

  “Desi! Over here!”

  Desi searched the crowded hallway for the voice calling her name. She flattened herself against a bank of lockers in an attempt to get out of the crush.

  “Desi! I’m coming!”

  She saw Corrine Johnson, her best friend since fifth grade, struggling to pass through the mass of milling students. Desi reached out and caught Corrine’s hand and pulled her the rest of the way toward her. “Do I still have all my body parts?” Corrine asked breathlessly. “This place is a madhouse! I’m totally lost.”

  “Me too,” Desi confessed, staring down at the map of Grady that had come in her freshman packet.

  “Show me your class schedule card.”

  Desi fumbled with her notebook and extracted her card. “I’ve got biology first period.” She had to shout to be heard over the noise. “I think the room’s upstairs.”

  “I’ve got English.” Corrine handed her card back. “All we have together is lunch. That stinks. I’m hoping we’ll have some really cute guys in class.”

  “Corrine, this is the big time. No Grady High guys are going be interested in freshmen peasants like us. Besides, I’ve got to concentrate on my grades if I hope to get a scholarship to college and medical school.”

  The bell rang. “Here we go,” Corrine declared.

  “Look for me in the cafeteria,” Desi called. “If we miss each other, call me tonight.” Desi watched her friend weave through the mass of bodies and felt a wave of nostalgia. She and Corrine were different in many ways, but she still wanted them to be friends, and she hoped that different schedules in high school didn’t drive them apart.

  Desi wedged herself into the flow of the crowd. She allowed herself to be carried along toward the stairs, hoping desperately that her class was indeed on the upper level. She found the correct door and entered, as a paper airplane sailed in front of her nose. She ducked and took a seat in an already crowded room. The room was arranged with lab tables where groups of four could work at the same time. Shiny stainless sinks, glass beakers, and test tubes formed the center of each lab table. Posters of animals and plants lined one wall.

  The teacher, Mr. Redding, arrived as the tardy bell sounded. He took attendance and assigned lab partners. Since there was an uneven number of kids, Desi found herself in a threesome. She was grouped with a girl, Shaundra Johnson, and a boy, Brian Connley. Desi thought that Shaundra wore too much eye makeup and that Brian didn’t look like a “serious” student. His shock of blond hair hung low over his forehead, almost obscuring his intense blue eyes. He was big and muscular and wore a rawhide band around his wrist. She felt intimitaded by his size.
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  They listened as Mr. Redding outlined the course work. After he passed out worksheets, he allowed the students to discuss the material among themselves. “Man, I hate this stuff,” Shaundra complained as she shoved the paper aside.

  “Me too,” Brian agreed.

  “I think it could be fun,” Desi ventured.

  Shaundra gave her a bored stare. “I flunked this course cold last year, and I don’t have any hopes of doing much better this year.”

  “I failed it too,” Brian admitted with a shrug. “Actually, I might have passed it, but I guess I cut too many classes.”

  Desi realized she was the lone freshman in the group, and the only one interested in biology. “It says here that we’ll be dissecting earthworms and frogs during this grading period.”

  “Count me out!” Shaundra declared. “That stuff’s disgusting!”

  Brian plopped his head dramatically against the tabletop. “Now I remember why I skipped so many classes.”

  “I don’t mind that part,” she told them. “I like science.”

  “You’re weird,” Shaundra said, making Desi blush bright red.

  “We have to keep a journal,” Brian said, and just as Desi wondered if she was going to be responsible for that too, he added, “I can do that part. It’s just keeping accurate track of our experiments. I know from last year how Redding wants it done.” Desi was skeptical of his offer, but she wrote his name down next to the assignment in her notebook. Obviously Mr. Redding expected his class to perform in tandem. She wanted to ask Shaundra what she was going to contribute to the group, but didn’t have the nerve.

  “If we want extra credit, we can do a special project,” Desi announced as she scanned the course outline. “We might want to consider one, you know. If it gets into the science fair finals, it will be a guaranteed A in this class.” She looked from Brian to Shaundra, but they seemed indifferent.

  Brian explained, “Look, I’m not planning to knock myself out for this class. I just want to pass.”

  Desi was disappointed. This was a class she was most interested in. She’d hoped for more cooperation from her partners. Briefly she toyed with asking Mr. Redding to give her other lab partners, but decided to wait and give Shaundra and Brian a chance. Finally the bell rang, and everyone darted for the door.