A Season for Goodbye

  At the crest of the mountain, they dismounted, tied their horses to trees, and went the rest of the way on foot. Once on the flat rock of the plateau, the three of them fanned out to search for the tepee of twigs Lacey had tied together to form the memorial.

  “Over here!” Katie called. “I found it.”

  Chelsea and Lacey hurried to where Katie was crouched, digging through a pile of dead leaves. The tepee was partially buried, and Chelsea held her breath, hoping that the laminated photo and Jillian’s diamond stud earring were still tied to it.

  “It’s come apart,” Katie said, lifting up the twigs in three parts. But from the corner of one of the sticks, the laminated photo dangled, and from its center the diamond caught the afternoon sunlight.

  The photo looked faded, but Amanda still smiled from the center of their group. Chelsea felt a lump form in her throat. These days, she and Katie and Lacey looked older, more mature, healthier too. But Amanda looked the same, her gamine smile frozen in time. And ageless.

  Katie took the photo from Lacey’s trembling fingers. “We were quite a bunch, weren’t we?”

  ALSO AVAILABLE IN DELL LAUREL-LEAF BOOKS

  FREEDOM BEYOND THE SEA, Waldtraut Lewin

  GATHERING BLUE, Lois Lowry

  HEAVEN EYES, David Almond

  THE RANSOM OF MERCY CARTER, Caroline B. Cooney

  PLAYING FOR KEEPS, Joan Lowery Nixon

  GHOST BOY, lain Lawrence

  THE RAG AND BONE SHOP, Robert Cormier

  SHADES OF SIMON GRAY Joyce McDonald

  WHEN ZACHARY BEAVER CAME TO TOWN

  Kimberly Willis Holt

  THE GADGET, Paul Zindel

  Published by

  Dell Laurel-Leaf

  an imprint of

  Random House Children’s Books

  a division of Random House, Inc.

  New York

  Copyright © 1995 by Lurlene McDaniel

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law.

  For information address Random House, Inc.

  Dell and Laurel are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  Visit us on the Web! www.randomhouse.com/teens

  Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at www.randomhouse.com/teachers

  Visit Lurlene McDaniel’s Web site! www.lurlenemcdaniel.com

  eISBN: 978-0-307-77639-6

  RL: 5.0

  v3.1_r1

  This book is dedicated

  to all my faithful readers.

  Thank you for your support and loyalty.

  You’re the greatest!

  Contents

  Cover

  Other Books by This Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  One

  “KATIE O’ROARK, YOU look fab!” Chelsea James said, throwing her arms around her good friend. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I’m sort of scared about this whole thing,” Chelsea whispered into Katie’s ear.

  “Scared of being a counselor at Jenny House?” Katie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Chelsea, don’t be ridiculous. You’ve come through a heart transplant and are doing fine. This will be a piece of cake!”

  “I’m only a counselor-in-training,” Chelsea corrected, pulling away. “I couldn’t believe it when Mr. Holloway wrote and invited me. You know the only reason I agreed was because I’d get to spend the summer with you and Lacey again.” Chelsea glanced around the nearly empty lobby of Jenny House. The counselors and trainees had arrived three days early for orientation and most had gone upstairs to unpack before the first meeting. “Where is Lacey anyway?”

  Katie shrugged. “You know she runs on Lacey-time, not daylight saving time. She’ll be here eventually.”

  “Is it true that Jeff McKensie’s coming with her? I couldn’t believe it when she wrote to say that they were together. I mean, she avoided him like the plague last year.”

  Katie almost told Chelsea that getting back together with Jeff was mostly Lacey’s idea, but decided to let Lacey tell her if she wanted her to know. “I think her stint in the hospital last spring when her diabetes went out of control caused Lacey to reevaluate some things,” Katie said.

  “She is okay now, isn’t she?”

  “She says she is, but …” Katie let the sentence trail because she wasn’t sure how Lacey was actually doing. She only had Lacey’s offhanded reports to go on, and Lacey often said she was fine when she wasn’t.

  “But you’re feeling good, aren’t you?” Chelsea asked. “You look a little tense.”

  Katie assured Chelsea that she was in great health, knowing that it was important to her friend. After all, they’d both had heart transplants and Chelsea tended to gauge her own health by the standard of Katie’s. She flashed Chelsea a quick smile, hoping to cover up the tension her friend had so astutely picked up on. The trouble with Chelsea was that she was too darn intuitive. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. I’ve been offered a track scholarship to Arizona.”

  “You have? That’s super. I know how badly you wanted one. So I guess you’ll head out there after Jenny House’s summer session is over.”

  Katie was tempted to tell Chelsea the truth about the strain the offer was putting on her relationship with her parents and Josh. “I’m undecided,” she said.

  Chelsea’s eyes widened. “But it’s what you’ve always wanted.”

  Katie wished she’d not said anything. Standing in the lobby before a meeting wasn’t the place to unburden her heart—not even to one of her best friends. Fortunately, the main door swung open and Lacey Duval breezed inside, followed by two members of the staff lugging her belongings. After shrieks and hugs, Katie eyed the encumbered staff personnel and declared, “Good grief, Lacey, you could stock a small department store. We’re only supposed to be here twelve weeks.”

  “I couldn’t decide what to bring, so I brought it all.”

  “Where do we take this stuff?” one of the burdened staffers asked.

  “Third floor,” Katie told him. “Room 17. Lacey, we’re across the hall from each other and Chelsea’s next door to me. You two will have two kids apiece in your rooms with you. I get three.”

  “It’s not quite like last year,” Chelsea said with a nervous laugh. Katie had been in charge of their room the summer before. That’s where they’d all met for the first time. Amanda had been with them then. When Amanda died, they all felt the loss and grief but the experience had cemented their friendship. Their different backgrounds, medical problems, and ages didn’t matter.

  “Where’s Jeff?” Chelsea strained to see through the tinted glass doors to the sunlit wooden deck.

  “He’s parking the car.”

  “Your mom let you drive up here alone with him all the way from Miami?” Chelsea asked.

  “Don’t worry. The trip was harmless. We spent the night with
an aunt of mine in Savannah. We left Savannah this morning and might have gotten here sooner if Jeff hadn’t insisted we eat lunch and loaf around a few rest stops.” She rolled her eyes. “Ever since I got out of the hospital he treats me like I might break or something.”

  “You scared us all,” Katie insisted. “Even when I saw you in Miami during the national track championships in March, you looked thin.”

  Lacey spun, showing off her shape in her jeans and T-shirt. “How do I look now?”

  “Better,” Katie admitted. In truth, Katie thought Lacey looked terrific. Her long blond hair was streaked with sunny highlights and her skin glowed with a warm golden hue. And she had added some much-needed weight.

  The front door swung open and in sauntered Jeff, his arm slung around the neck of a tall redheaded guy. “Hey, look who I found in the parking lot. He’s helping out here this summer like we are.”

  “Josh!” Lacey and Chelsea cried in unison. Lacey eyed Katie. “This is a surprise. You didn’t let on Josh was coming with you.”

  Josh intervened by saying, “She didn’t know. I sort of wrote Mr. Holloway and invited myself to be on staff. I’ll be working with the groundspeople and helping out in the kitchen.”

  “Cool,” Jeff said with a grin. “Now I have a buddy and I won’t have to listen to all that female screeching by myself.”

  “Screeching?” Lacey said icily. “I can arrange it so that you don’t have to listen to anything.”

  Josh stepped between Lacey and Jeff, making a mock play at shielding Jeff’s body with his. “Run for it, Jeff. I’ll cover you.”

  Everyone but Katie broke out laughing. She simply took a step backward and turned her attention toward the massive portrait of Jenny Crawford hanging over the soaring stone fireplace. “Anything wrong?” Lacey wanted to know.

  “Nothing,” Katie said tightly. She refused to meet Josh’s gaze as he stood beside Lacey, his smile fading into an expression of hurt.

  His expression stabbed at her. She was being hateful and she knew it, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. The announcement that he was joining her at Jenny House for the summer had jolted her. She’d been counting on the time away from him to seriously think about their future together.

  Jeff broke the awkward moment by saying, “Help me take my stuff upstairs, Josh, before the meeting starts. I can smell pizza and I’m starved.”

  “You just ate two hours ago,” Lacey said.

  “Is there a rule about my stomach punching a time clock?”

  She reached out and squeezed his midriff. “If I can pinch more than an inch, you’ll have to diet.”

  He retaliated by patting her flat torso. “And if I can’t grab more than an inch, you’ve got to eat more.” She opened her mouth but before she could speak, he added, “Doctor’s orders.”

  Lacey made a face at him, but acquiesced, which surprised Katie. She’d expected a sharp comeback. Maybe Lacey was turning over a new leaf in order to win back Jeff.

  The guys left the lobby for the parking lot and Lacey asked, “So, who’s going to help me unpack?”

  Chelsea volunteered. “Katie, you coming too?”

  “If it’s okay, I think I’ll go for a little jog. I feel cooped up from the ride in the car and need to stretch my legs.”

  Lacey wrinkled her pretty, turned-up nose. “Ugh. You physical fitness nuts are all alike.”

  “Catch you later,” Katie said, stepping backward and starting for the door. She was outside in the warm North Carolina afternoon before Lacey or Chelsea could say another word. She loped off the deck, down the wooden stairs, and out onto a trail leading away from Jenny House and into the cool, leafy woods. In minutes, she found her stride and settled into the familiar surroundings.

  You need to run, she told herself. She needed time alone. Needed time to think. She was just beginning to mull over her dilemma when she heard someone calling her name from behind her. Katie stopped, pivoted, and saw Josh coming toward her, his long legs making short work of the distance.

  She tensed as he approached. He stopped in front of her, and for a moment the sound of their breathing was all that filled the air of the deep, green woods. He cocked his head, looking down at her. A stubborn thatch of red hair spilled over his forehead and his blue eyes looked troubled. “I thought you were helping Jeff,” she said.

  “I saw you take off and told Jeff I needed to talk to you.”

  “We’ve said it all, Josh. What’s left to talk about?”

  “I love you, Katie,” he said softly. “And I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me. Can’t you forgive me for signing on at Jenny House this summer? Can’t we be together like we used to be?”

  Two

  MEMORIES SPILLED THROUGH Katie as she gazed at Josh’s face. She saw him as he’d been two years before, looking scared and uncertain in the rec room of the hospital while she sat alone in a wheelchair, recuperating from her heart transplant operation. She saw him as he’d looked at her then, longing to touch her—more than her—to touch his brother, whose heart beat inside her chest.

  She saw him as he’d been that night in the moonlight before she’d run in the Transplant Olympic Games. The first time he’d kissed her. The night he’d given her the golden heart pendant necklace she always wore around her neck. She saw him coaching her, helping her to run again, to regain her speed and fitness. For the past two years of her life there had only been Josh, her first serious boyfriend. Her first love.

  Katie felt her pent-up anger and hostility toward him dissipate. In a soft pleading tone, she said, “How can I make you understand that going away to college isn’t breaking things off with you?”

  “And why can’t you understand that I’m afraid if you go away, you won’t come back?”

  “I’ll come back.”

  “Heart transplant recipients have a solid five-year track record. You already have two of those years behind you. If you go away, the next three will pass without me.”

  “Plenty of heart transplant patients live longer than five years,” she insisted, sensing her frustration rebuilding. “How can you put a time limit on my life? That’s not for you to say.”

  “I’m not trying to limit you. I’m trying to make the most of the time you have. I want to marry you, Katie. Have you forgotten I’ve asked you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “If you stay in Ann Arbor and start classes at Michigan like I’ll be doing, we can spend more time together, make wedding plans. Gramps thinks it’s a good idea. He wants to see me get married, get settled, because he’s getting old and you know his health isn’t so good.”

  She felt a twinge of guilt. Josh and his grandfather had done so much for her. Given her so much. Still she knew she had dreams of her own that preceded her meeting Josh. “But to run track for an NCAA school is something I’ve dreamed about all my life. When my heart pooped out, before I had the transplant, I thought that dream was gone. Now it’s been given back to me.” She clutched Josh’s hands. “Don’t you see? I’ll never have this chance again.”

  “You can run for Michigan. They have a great women’s track team.”

  Frustration gave way to exasperation. “But at Arizona I have the opportunity to be completely on my own. To live like a regular person.”

  Josh’s gaze bore into her. “And regular people date other people.”

  “Is that what you think? That I want to move away so that I can date somebody else?”

  “I was with you during the school year. I know what happened between you and Garrison Reilly.”

  Katie’s exasperation erupted into anger. “Give it a rest, Josh—nothing happened between me and Garrison. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

  “That wasn’t Garrison’s story.”

  Josh’s statement caused Katie to gape in surprise. The memory of Garrison’s Christmas party surfaced, and of Josh taking her, then getting angry and leaving her stranded. Garrison had danced with her, held her close, and kissed her unde
r mistletoe. The feelings he kindled had frightened her, and ever since that night she’d avoided Garrison purposely. “What did he say? And when?”

  “Guys talk,” Josh said. “Things get said in the locker room. It was no secret that he wanted to date you.”

  “But I didn’t date him. And now I’m here at Jenny House for the summer and he’s back in Ann Arbor.”

  “But if he was here, would you date him?” Josh’s jaw jutted stubbornly.

  His jealous prodding was the final straw. Katie erupted with, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation! This is exactly why I wanted to be off by myself this summer. And to some extent, why I want to go away to college. I need breathing space.”

  “Oh, so now I’m smothering you. Is that it?”

  “What you’re doing is making me furious!” Katie stamped her foot. “This discussion is terminated.” She spun and started running deeper into the woods. Fury and frustration drove her, and soon her heart was pounding and her breath came in gasps. She finally stopped and leaned against a tree for support. Her legs felt wobbly. She struggled to calm herself, knowing that stress was throwing her off her stride and taking its toll physically.

  Katie slid to the ground, pulled her knees tightly against her body, and buried her face in her hands. How had her life gotten so complicated? Why couldn’t she just go away to college, and run track, and study physical education, and have a good time?

  Automatically, her hand slid over her left breast to feel the thudding rhythm of the organ buried inside her chest. My heart, she thought. No … not her heart at all. Aaron’s heart. Josh’s brother. Josh and Gramps had given her an irreplaceable gift. She was simply a vessel for it. A caretaker.

  “I do love Josh,” she whispered out loud. “I really do.” She waited while tears slid down her cheeks unchecked, grateful that there was no one to hear her weeping except the trees and the sky.

  *

  By the time Katie returned to Jenny House, she had less than thirty minutes to shower and dress for the get-acquainted meeting. The lobby area bustled with activity and she was surprised at how many more people she saw this year compared to last. But then, last summer Jenny House had been an experiment, a dream of Richard Holloway’s. From the looks of things, his dream was going to be successful, Katie thought as she hurried to the elevator.