Until Angels Close My Eyes Page 4

  Leah was up early the next morning and ate breakfast with Kathy and her sisters. Once their parents had headed off to work, Leah drove over to Jonah’s apartment. Kathy was very understanding. Leah was grateful that she could just go and be with Ethan.

  Ethan opened the door at her first knock. “Good morning, Leah!” His smile lit up his face.

  Kissing him lightly, Leah stepped into a living room area littered with newspapers, magazines, videotapes and old pizza boxes. Pillows were scattered on the floor, and plastic cups, some half filled, dotted the tops of a coffee table and two lamp tables. “Boy,” she said. “Your livestock lives better than this.”

  Ethan laughed. “We are not very tidy. The others are at work now. There will be a party tomorrow night. Come and meet them.”

  Leah had gone to Amish parties before and had felt like an outsider. “Will I be the only English?”

  “No. I have told you, Jonah has many new friends. Most are English.”

  “But will any of your Amish friends be here?” Leah was thinking specifically about Jonah’s sister, Martha.

  Ethan nodded. “We Amish still do many things together. We have been friends a long time. Jonah invites everyone, but not everyone comes.”

  Leah felt sure that Martha would show up, but she decided not to let the thought upset her. After all, Ethan had made it quite clear that it was Leah he wanted to be with all week.

  The drive out to the farm along the flat, familiar country road brought memories of summer back to Leah. The fields had been green, a sea of cornstalks. Now the corn had been harvested and the stalks were brown, dry and broken. Patches of snow dotted the roadside, and puddles of water were iced over.

  Leah came to the fence that marked the boundary of the Longacre farm and slowed down. She could hardly stand to look upon the place where a truck had plowed into the produce stand, flattening the fence behind it and killing Rebekah, who had been in its path. “The fence looks as if it was never hit,” Leah said.

  “It does not take wood long to weather,” Ethan said.

  Or for little girls to die, Leah thought. The pain of Rebekah’s death struck her hard and deep. She could only imagine what it must feel like for Ethan to pass this place every day.

  Ethan peered through the windshield at the gray sky. “We will have snow by mid-morning.”

  “You can tell that just by looking at the sky?”

  “I have been reading the signs of coming weather ail my life. The winter will be hard this year.”

  “How do you know?”

  “The woolly caterpillars grew extra-thick coats last fall. When they do, winter will be very cold.”

  “Gee … and all this time I’ve been watching the Weather Channel.”

  Ethan gave her a puzzled look, then slowly smiled. “You are making a joke. I understand because I’ve seen this Weather Channel on Jonah’s TV.”

  Leah returned his smile. There had been a time when Ethan hadn’t caught on to her humor, because it was English. She said, “You really are different these days.”

  “Only in some ways,” he told her.

  Leah turned into the long, rutted driveway to the house. Except for the colors of winter, the old farmhouse was exactly as Leah had remembered it. The weathered wooden roof and siding looked stark against the sky, much as she believed they had a hundred years before when first built. No electrical or telephone wires tethered them to the present. One shutter had come off its hinge.

  “I must fix that,” Ethan said. “For Ma.” His expression looked brooding.

  Leah parked and shut off the engine, half expecting Rebekah to come flying out the door to meet them. The door swung open and instead Charity stepped onto the porch. She wore a long black Amish dress and a prayer cap. A woolen shawl was tied around her shoulders. “Leah!” she cried, hurrying to the car.

  Leah got out and embraced her friend. “Surprise! I couldn’t stay away.”

  Charity glanced at her brother, and Leah could have sworn she saw a shadow of sadness flicker across Charity’s eyes. The look vanished as Charity grabbed Leah’s hand. “Come inside where it is warm. I have tea and fresh bread made.”

  Inside the kitchen, Leah felt the warmth from the old woodstove in the corner. The room smelled like baking bread and warm apples. Tillie Longacre, Charity and Ethan’s mother, greeted Leah, asked a few polite questions, then cut some warm bread, placed it on a plate, and carried it out of the room.

  “Oma has a bad cold,” Charity explained as she poured Leah hot tea, “so Mama is taking her a snack.”

  “I hope she’ll be okay,” Leah said. Oma had sometimes reminded Leah of her Grandma Hall.

  “I will look in on her,” Ethan said.

  When Leah was alone with Charity, she asked, “How are you doing?”

  Charity sighed. “Winters are very long. I miss Rebekah very much.”

  “So do I.”

  “But Sarah’s new baby is precious.” Charity brightened. “I spend many afternoons at Sarah’s helping with little Josiah. He is most adorable.”

  “Listen, Ethan told me about you and Jonah.” Leah changed the subject, not knowing how long the two of them would be alone. “I’m sorry. I know you liked him.”

  “I still like him, but I cannot be with him when he is so wild. Until he returns to the community and Amish ways, I will have nothing to do with him.”

  Charity looked sad. Leah wondered how much of Charity’s decision was hers and how much of it was her family’s. “I’m sure Jonah will come around,” Leah said. “He always told me that he would have his fling and return to Amish ways.”

  “He did?”

  “Well, yes—” Leah got no further. The outside door opened and Mr. Longacre stepped into the room. His expression looked grim. He took one look at Leah and walked straight past her without saying a word.

  SEVEN

  Charity rose from her chair, looking shocked, then turned toward Leah. “I-I’m sure Papa was in a hurry,” she stammered.

  Leah felt her cheeks begin to burn. Mr. Longacre had snubbed her on purpose. “Maybe I should go.”

  “No, Leah. I know Papa didn’t mean to offend you. Ever since Rebekah’s accident …” Charity didn’t finish the sentence. “Please, do not take offense,” she said.

  Before Leah could respond, Mr. Longacre swept back into the kitchen, his wife on his heels. “Hello, Leah,” the man said stiffly.

  “Hello, sir,” Leah answered, her heart pounding. She saw Ethan slip into the room through a different door.

  “I saw your car parked in my yard,” Jacob said. “I thought something might have happened.”

  “I’m only visiting for a few days,” Leah told him. “I’m staying in town with a friend.”

  “Would you like some tea, Jacob?” Tillie asked.

  “No. I have things to do in the barn.” He turned to Ethan, and the look that passed between them made Leah’s stomach knot. “You will come to the barn before you leave,” Mr. Longacre said. It wasn’t a request.

  “I will come,” Ethan answered, his expression grim.

  “Have a nice visit,” Mr. Longacre said in Leah’s general direction. In another second he was out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.

  Tillie stepped forward and took Leah’s hands in hers. “It is good to see you, Leah. Rebekah spoke of you often. You were a favorite of hers.”

  Tears sprang into Leah’s eyes. “Thank you. She was a favorite of mine, too.”

  “Will you have more tea?” Tillie asked, looking inside the teapot.

  “No, thank you. I really should get back to town to spend some time with my friend.”

  “I will walk you to your car,” Ethan said.

  Once outside, Leah asked, “Aren’t you coming with me?”

  “I must go see Papa.” He didn’t look happy about it.

  “I’ll wait for you.”

  “No, do not wait. But before you go, walk with me into the woods.” Ethan took her gloved hand in his.
<
br />   Leah understood. Ethan needed to collect himself, and the woods on the back portion of the property was where he usually went to find solace. She took a deep breath. She had not been there since the day of Rebekah’s funeral. But, once surrounded by the towering trees and whispering pine needles, her heart felt more at ease.

  “I’m sorry I upset your father,” she said.

  “It is not you, Leah. It is me who displeases him.”

  “Because you’re taking your fling?”

  “I think he was certain that I had gotten over my fling by the end of last summer. I have told you how Pa does not like me to run with Jonah and his crowd.”

  “Or date English girls,” Leah said.

  “I am mixed up, Leah.” Ethan turned to face her. “I have tried to care for another, but I cannot get you out of my mind. Or my heart.”

  Leah felt a pang of jealousy. She didn’t want him to care for another. She wanted to be the only girl in his life. “I’ve wanted to talk to you a hundred times these past few months,” she confessed. “What with Neil and all.”

  “Is he better?”

  “He seems to be on the mend—for now. I really like Neil, Ethan. I don’t know what Mom and I would do if something happened to him. Especially Mom. She and Neil get on really well together. I’ve never seen her happier. But this has really messed things up for all of us.”

  “I am sorry about all your family is going through, Leah, but you are well, and this makes me happy.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  His expression sobered. “Did you not have a good checkup when you last went for tests?” Ethan had gone with Leah to her doctor’s appointment during the summer, and her mother had accompanied her to the fall appointment.

  “So far, so good. But who’s to say it can’t all blow up in my face? Neil thought he was finished with cancer too, and look what’s happened to him.”

  “But an angel touched you,” Ethan reminded her.

  “That’s what you and Neil and I think, but Mom and my doctors don’t believe it. Mom thinks it was a misdiagnosis, and Dr. Thomas calls it spontaneous remission. I wish I could talk to Gabriella face to face and ask her once and for all.”

  “You must have faith,” Ethan said.

  “Don’t you think I’m trying to have faith? But every time I feel as if I do, something terrible happens. Rebekah dies. Neil gets sick. I just don’t get it. Why do terrible things happen to nice people? Doesn’t it make you mad about Rebekah?”

  Ethan put his arms around Leah and rested his chin on her head. “It makes me very sad. I do not know the answers to your questions, Leah. I do not know where to go to get the answers. All my life, I grew up going to church, believing the things I was told. I accepted Amish ways, even when they did not make sense to me. Yet, today, my sister is dead and my brother Eli is gone.”

  The mention of his older brother made Leah pull back and study Ethan’s face. He looked tormented. “Ethan, I’m sorry. Let’s forget all this serious stuff and think about this whole week of being together and having fun.”

  He smiled. “This is a good suggestion. Right this moment, I want to think about kissing you.”

  Leah rose on her tiptoes. “Why think about it?”

  He lowered his mouth to hers.

  Around them huge, fat, wet snowflakes began to fall.

  ———

  Leah left Ethan at the farm and returned to Kathy’s. She found Kathy in her room, organizing her clothes closet. “I’m trying to see if my new stuff works with any of my old stuff,” Kathy explained. She shut the door. “How’s your boyfriend? Is the magic still there?”

  “More than ever.”

  “Gee, Leah, liking an Amish guy is risky. They stick to their own kind.”

  “Not always,” Leah said defensively. “Actually, Ethan’s brother left the community,” she confided.

  Kathy didn’t seem impressed. “Just watch out. Don’t get hurt.”

  “I don’t plan on getting hurt. Ethan may not know a lot about English ways, but he’s the kindest, nicest guy I’ve ever met. The guys back home are such losers compared to him.”

  “But this is his world, Leah. How would he fit into yours? How would he get along with your regular friends? Picture him with your crowd.”

  Kathy had a point. Up until now, Leah had only been with Ethan in his hometown, in his Amish world. “In the first place, I don’t hang out with any special group at my school. For that matter, I don’t care to. Except for my friend Sherry, I’m not close to anyone. I’m just not interested in any of their little cliques.”

  “I know what you mean. Sometimes high school is just so lame. College will be my big breakout.” Kathy grew thoughtful. “Still,” she said, “hooking up with an Amish guy may not be the smartest thing you can do. Amish don’t fit anywhere but in their small world, Leah.”

  “I don’t care,” Leah said stubbornly. “Ethan is the only guy I want in my life, period.”

  Kathy shrugged. “Then good luck, girl.”

  Ethan caught a bus to Kathy’s, and after supper Leah drove the two of them back to Jonah’s. Ethan was quiet, almost withdrawn, during the short drive, making Leah realize that things had not gone well between him and his father. “Do you still want to go to the party?” she asked, half wishing he’d say no.

  “Yes,” Ethan said. “I want us to have a good time tonight, I want to show you off to everyone there.”

  The party was in full swing. Ethan headed toward the kitchen for a snack, leaving Leah alone for a moment.

  From the corner of her eye, Leah saw Martha dancing with a lanky, dark-haired guy. She was dressed in tight jeans and a fitted sweater—a far cry from the Amish clothing Leah had last seen her in at Rebekah’s funeral.

  Martha walked over. “Ethan said you’d be coming,” she said above the wail of the music. “It is good to see you.”

  Leah didn’t believe her, but she smiled anyway and said, “It’s good to be back. How have you been?”

  “Busy,” Martha said. “I have a job in town now. I work in a bakery selling Amish breads and making lunches for customers.”

  Martha sounded pleased about her independence. “Do you live in town, too?” Leah asked.

  “I live at home. Jonah comes and picks me up and brings me into town to my job.”

  The boy Martha had been dancing with came up beside her and slipped his arm around her waist. “Let’s dance.”

  Leah smelled beer on his breath.

  “Todd, this is Leah,” Martha said. “She’s Ethan’s girlfriend.”

  Todd grinned, and Leah urged them, “Go dance.” As she watched them walk away, she noticed Todd shoved his hand into the back pocket of Martha’s jeans. Leah realized she’d been introduced as Ethan’s girlfriend. Did that mean Martha was relinquishing her claim on Ethan?

  Ethan returned with sodas. “The music is too loud. Come with me.”

  Leah followed him outside onto the balcony. “Leah, there is something I want to ask you,” Ethan said quietly.

  Instantly on alert at the tone of his voice, Leah said, “Sure, ask me anything.”

  “I want to see my brother Eli again. Please, will you help me find him?”

  EIGHT

  “Help you find Eli? What makes you think I can do that?” Ethan’s request had taken Leah totally by surprise.

  “You are English. You know the English world. I thought that you might know about such things.”

  “But I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

  Ethan’s face fell. “I am sorry. I did not know who else to ask.”

  Leah’s heart went out to him. “Oh, Ethan, don’t be sorry. I want to help you. I just don’t know if I can. I mean, you’ve told me that Eli dropped out of sight years ago. He could be anywhere.”

  Ethan had confided in her the previous summer about his older brother Eli. Amish kids often quit school to help in their homes and on their farms, but Eli had wanted more education. He had attended high school, and
he had won a college scholarship. Against his family’s wishes, and against Amish traditions, he had left home to pursue his dreams. His leaving had forced a permanent wedge between him and his family. It had also left Ethan, who had been only ten at the time, with Eli’s responsibilities. To this day, no one spoke Eli’s name. To his family, it was as if Eli were dead.

  “I cannot stop thinking about him.” Ethan’s voice sounded tormented. “I see him in my dreams—the way he was the last time I saw him. I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s happy. I think of how he never even knew Rebekah.”

  Rebekah had been born after Eli had left home. Now it was too late for them to know each other. Leah said, “Last summer, you acted as if you accepted your father’s decision about Eli. What changed your mind?”

  “I have been troubled about many things.” Ethan shook his head sadly. “This does not seem right to me. Eli was not even a member of the church. He was never shunned, and yet he is as lost to me as Rebekah.”

  The Amish custom of shunning was reserved for noncompliant church members, but, according to Ethan, Eli had never been baptized, so his ejection from the Longacre household was purely the result of their father’s unwillingness to allow him the freedom to be his own person.

  Leah warned, “Your father won’t like your contacting Eli, you know.”

  “I would not tell him.”

  “But how could you keep such a secret?”

  Ethan shrugged. “I do not know. I only want to see my brother again. I do not want to think about why I should not.”

  Leah chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. “I really don’t know how to start searching for him. But I’ll bet Neil could help. He knows everything.”

  The fire of hope leaped into Ethan’s eyes. “Would he do such a thing? He does not even know me.”

  “He’s never met you, that’s true. But Neil would help if I asked him.” Neil had been feeling good since Thanksgiving, and this type of project might be one he would be willing to take on—or at least be willing to advise her and Ethan about.

  Ethan looked relieved and grateful. “Thank you, Leah. I will not forget your kindness. This has been on my mind for days, and I could not keep it inside any longer.”